Our Eyes Communicate Who We Are

Imagine this: you’re lying in bed with your new lover. You just had a session so hot it could rival even the best lesbian porn. You look into her honey-brown eyes and feel a surge of love/trust/passion/tenderness (choose one). Is it some sort of post-coital blissful feeling your brain produces to keep you from running out of the bedroom and into the night? No. It’s actually her eyes sending you signals.

Scientists have recently discovered that certain physical traits of our eyes actually indicate elements of our personality. The iris has something called “crypts,” which are basically pits, and the number of crypts we have actually signals how likely we are to be  tender, warm and trusting. The iris also has “furrows,” which are curving lines ringing the outer edge of the iris; the amount of furrows in the iris indicates how likely we are to be neurotic, impulsive and craving-driven – and to what degree.
The more crypts you have, the more tender you are. The more furrows, the more impulsive. The craziest part of this discovery is that the creation of furrows and crypts happens in the womb – which seems to imply this aspect of our personalities is decided very early on. Biology, then, has given us the power to express who we are through our gaze, and to read the character of others through theirs.
Does this mean you should ask your new lesbian girlfriend to position herself under the window in the morning so you can count her furrows and crypts? Is this going to be a new trend in lesbian online dating? Will we all have to put a scan of our eyes up on our profiles for all to see? I sincerely hope not, for there are two important things to remember. First: the implication here is that furrows are a bad sign, but don’t forget that impulsive behavior can also mean spontaneity. Secondly, and more importantly, we are intelligent, self-aware beings capable of working on our flaws and channeling them towards better uses. Point being: if you meet a smart, sexy, fun woman with an absurd number of furrows, I’d stick with her anyway.

The Four Hottest Celebrity Lesbians

There are some famous hot lesbians out there, but we don’t hear about or see enough of them. I’m feeling a bit tingly and dissatisfied this morning and need a good dose of some lesbian sex appeal, so I’ve decided to dedicate a post to celebrating the four finest lesbian women currently in the public eye.

1. Portia de Rossi
Portia de Rossi is one buttercup I’d like to drink from. The blonde hottie is an Australian actress who shot to fame after playing Nell Porter on the irritating-as-hell sitcom, Ally McBeal. She went on to do less irritating things like play Lindsay Bluth Funke on Arrested Development and marry funny lady Ellen DeGeneres. In 2010, she legally changed her name Portia Lee James DeGeneres. As long as she goes on looking like Botticelli’s Venus, I don’t give a lesbian fuck what she’s called.
2. Sheryl Swoopes

Sheryl makes me so goddamn weak I can barely type. She is beyond amazing. An all-star and MVP in the WNBA, as well as an Olympic gold medalist, she’s got a killer smile and ridiculously sexy eyes and is a huge, huge role model for other gay youth in sports. Oh, Sheryl, you can swoope me anytime.
3. Leisha Hailey

Um, Leisha Hailey is always, like, looking up at you with her i-know-what-you-want-and-i-can-give-it-to-you eyes and you’re like, oh damn, I just gone and cum in my pants, girl. Weirdly enough, this actress was the only out lesbian on the popular show The L Word while it was actually filming.
4. Cathy DeBuono

This one’s a little under the radar, but Cathy has some ample – and rare – assets I wanted to share with you. She’s an up-and-coming Hollywood actress who is searching for lesbian roles. Good luck, lady; in the meantime, do you mind if I stare at your ass? Thanks.

sex with lesbians

The challenge of maintaining a healthy sex life in a monogamous relationship is a goddamn nightmare – let’s be honest. It can be done, but it takes a lot of work. There are some typical bad behaviors and traps long-term couples fall into that can, with a little bit of determination, be avoided.

1. Waiting Until You’re In the Mood
Oooooh. This one is brutal. Um, you and your girlfriend have been together for a very long time. While at first, fucking her was like fucking a lesbian porn star, now things have simmered down quite a bit. You used to rip her clothes off in the kitchen while she was making fajitas and suck her pussy, but now you see her make fajitas in her tight jeans all the time and you could care less. So, you never have sex, because you don’t naturally excite each other as much and are thus always too tired or too busy or whatever. Um, no, this can’t be your thinking. You’ve got to be a woman with a plan. Be spontaneous yet planned; wake up on fajita day and decide you’re going to get old school on your lady’s ass and rip off her clothes that night no matter how tired you are. Promise it to yourself, and don’t take her no for an answer.
2. Refusing Sex
You are mad. She left the space heater on again while you guys were at work and you told her not to do that eight million times and why doesn’t she understand you are simply worried about the house burning down…She didn’t apologize either, so, fuck her, no sex tonight, right? She is definitely not getting anything for a while. BIG MISTAKE. Do you really want to use sex as a tool of resentment? You real want to mix that shit up? Space heater anger and sex? Does that sound wise to you? Is it really worth it? I believe strongly that this is one to avoid – things can really get out of control this way.
3. The Comfort Zone
Get out there! Quick! There’s a stereotype out there that lesbian sex can get very boring because there are only a limited number of things we can do to one another. Of course, any of us who have actually had lesbian sex know this is not at all true. I have been thinking of at least a zillion ridiculously dirty things I want to do with my current online date, but they are too naughty to mention here. Couples however, as we all know, tend to box themselves in mentally and physically. Take a step back, take a break, read an erotic book, watch some porn, get some ideas on all the unchartered territory you can explore together – it’ll be well worth the effort.

Does She Want You?

It can be hard to tell, sometimes, if that beautiful woman is into you or if she is simply one super lovely, friendly human being. Particularly for women who are just getting into the lesbian dating game, deciphering whether she’s so hot for you she imagines making a lesbian porn film with you on a daily basis, or is just a touchy-feely mom type, can be some tricky shit. Like with any of these crazy lists, these are not hard and fast rules, and I caution you to use your common sense above all else, but they might just help push you in the right direction:

She touches you…
She actually touches you. She doesn’t just grab your arm and say, “Thank you,” when you’ve done something kind, or give you a hug after your dog Grouchy gets attacked by a squirrel, she really touches you. At a party, she puts her hand on your knee and lingers a bit. Or she puts her hand on top of yours after you tell her your favorite author is MIlan Kundera and says, “You keep surprising me, Rita.” Simply think about the context of the physical contact and whether or not it would be the natural reaction of a woman interested only in platonic affection.
She thinks you’re funny….
Or maybe she doesn’t And you don’t. And no one else seems to, but she’s always laughing at your jokes. Umm, then yeah, she’s definitely into you.
She Seeks You Out…
And you’re not playing Hide and Seek. She makes her way across a crowded room to talk to you at a party, even though you two aren’t close. You show up at the bar gathering late and get stuck at the table with the other group of people that make up the larger one; nevertheless, she slides out of the booth she’s in and makes her way to the chair beside you.
She Compliments You…
And not on your sweater or your vintage handbag or your bangs. She says you have the most dazzling green eyes she has ever seen in her entire life, and that your lips are beautiful. Tell her you can’t wait for hers to be upon them.

lesbian love

We Now Thank Our Lesbian God for Amber Heard’s Lesbianism

 

Amber Heard has just come out of the closet. Why, hello, welcome to our big gay bedroom. Would you like to sit on my bed? I’d like you to sit on my bed. What? You say you’re comfortable right there? Fine. Have it your way.
Amber Heard, if you don’t know her, is a sexy, sexy 24 year-old actress who has been in flicks such as Pineapple Express, All the Boys Love Mandy lane and Zombieland. At the 25th anniversary celebration of GLAAD, Amber announced her two-year relationship with the amazingly talented artist and photographer Tasya Van Ree. (If you haven’t seen Tasya’s work, you should run your little internet browser over to her website and check it out; she has stunning images of very beautiful women and men.) It’s interesting timing for me personally, because I just set up a brunch date with a girl I met through a lesbian online dating site that looks just like Amber; the universe is trying to tell me something.

Heard explained her decision to publicly announce her sexual orientation at the GLAAD event: “I think when I became aware of my role in the media, I had to ask myself an important question: “Am I part of the problem?” And I think that when millions and millions of hard-working, tax-paying Americans are denied their rights and denied their equality you have to ask yourself what are the facts that are an epidemic problem and that’s what this is.” Um, why can’t celebrities make sense? Is it really that difficult to express yourself clearly? I guess so. Amber also said, a little more eloquently, “I personally think that if you deny something or if you hide something you’re inadvertently admitting it’s wrong. I don’t feel like I’m wrong. I don’t feel like millions of people are wrong because they love who they love or they were born how they were born.”
Yes, Amber, you’re making awesome sense now, and I am sorry if to cheapen the moment, but you and Tasya and now the main stars in the lesbian porn fantasy that plays in my head all day. I am one pervy girl and you just became part of my pervy fantasy full of hot lesbian women.

FOR LESBIANS

On Miserable Single Women

 www.lesromance.com

Um, you know what I hate? Miserable single women. No, scratch that, I don’t hate miserable single women, I hate women who are miserable BECAUSE they are single. Lame. Why are there so many lesbian women (and straight women, for that matter) so desperate to start their lives as part of a couple RIGHT NOW. They act as if they are missing out on all that is gold in life. They are members of every single lesbian online dating website known to woman, have asked every single friend to set them up and prowl even the supermarket as if its sole purpose was to supply their soulmate.
Why? I want to shake them. Why? Being part of a couple does not make you happier. Sure, you’ve got a someone to go through life with, someone to tell you it’s ok when things go ape shit, but you have to pay for that service by working through all the crap that comes with a long-term relationship. It’s certainly not a picnic in the park.
Being in a relationship is hard-ass-hard. Even with a ‘soulmate,’ life goes on and shit happens – their shit happens, too.
Being single is fucking awesome. You don’t have to answer to anyone. You can play out your lesbian porn fantasies with all the women you can get your hands on. You can eat ice cream in bed naked and no one will judge you for it (but then again, your soulmate probably shouldn’t judge you for it either.) You get strong. When you fail you go home and answer to yourself and instead of just falling into someone else’s arms and allowing yourself to be lazy about, you change and do something about it. You get better. You see your friends. You actually go out to that art show/poetry reading/circus performance, because no one is tempting you with a naked ice cream in bed. Naked ice cream in bed is great, but there is no rush. Please, enjoy your time alone, single women. You are driving me angry with your craziness.

FOR LESBIANS

Talk to Like Me, Baby

 

Not to pander to stereotypes, but in lesbian online dating, language is crucial. I’m not going to say that we talk a lot, but we are excellent communicators, most of us enjoy communication, and we value when others communicate effectively with us.
Well, researchers have now discovered that a key determinant of compatibility between any two people – not just lesbian women – is how similar the way you talk is to the way your object of interest talks. To be more specific, matching use of personal pronouns, prepositions, articles and adverbs all gets the sexual energy between two people flowing like a motherfucker.
Indeed, we are four times more likely to agree to go on a date with someone if the way they speak is even slightly matched to the way we speak.

Researchers discovered that people who texted or used IM and used similar patterns of language were 50 percent more likely to keep on dating.
As a voracious reader and someone who works in the field of communication, I find this study extremely fascinating. I’m curious as to the evolutionary function of this – is it because sharing language patterns increases the likelihood of a successful partnership? We all know that excellent communication between two people is essential to a happy relationship, and maybe we have evolved to recognize this even on an unconscious level.