Well, this is going to be a lengthy post and I’d like to apologize for that, in advance. I would also like to thank any person whom ends up giving me advice or even just having the patience to read the following. I really appreciate it!
Anyway hello, I am a female, the age of eighteen. I’m not sure of my sexual orientation. I mean, when I was young I had crushes on guys, or at least I appreciated guys whom were “pretty”. I never ever wanted to date a guy though, I always wanted to call them, “adopt” them as a brother of my one! It’s a strange antic I had/and still tend to have now. I always found it aggravating really, for I always felt inferior when it comes to guys, for if I don’t see them as friend/or “brother” at least now, I see them as my enemy, competition in a way. I was a girlie-girl when I was young for my mother adored it and I just wanted to fit in with other kids. As of now though, and even then, after I got out from primary school, I tend to like being a tomboy. I liked to wear big shirts, guy shirts, wear jeans, no make-up unless it was for Halloween and freaking people out.I didn’t like tight clothing, didn’t find girly clothing all that fun to wear or be in nor did I find a good reason to “pretty” myself up, just that it was a waste of time. I also wondered, how it would be if I was a boy at times.
I mean, I fell for a friend before and even told her that I had feelings for her, though she rejected it, which hurt me so much inside, as if my heart was crushed. I even liked a few other people of the same sex, had crushes on them,but I also held a slight crush on some close guy friends for a bit, before I would see them as a “brother”,if not competition and move on, unlike if it were a crush on a girl, I’d cling onto her for so much longer. Even with say, “attractive” guys, I wouldn’t be drooling over them like the majority of girls, rather I’d be kind of envious of him, wishing I could make girls be like that, or at the very least appreciate that he is physically pretty looking,but I wouldn’t find him hot or appealing to me. I find the male body, specially his genitalia area, disgusting really and could never figure out how women could find that to be amazing.
Even if it may seem like I’m absolutely into the same sex, I still wonder, I mean the female body though, it turns me on, if it’s said to be in a sexual atmosphere, be it intended in a movie or commercial only, if it’s just an ordinary person plainly dressed or what not I don’t find them that interesting to look at or appealing unless I get to know them and she is appealing, via personality. I also feel the need to be protective over my female friends whom I see as close, if not the females whom I tend to have a crush on. At the very same time though, if a girl has a body that I’d wish to have, I get envious too. So what do you think my sexual orientation could be?
No comments:
Post a Comment